Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
