apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
