is your mom at the bar?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
