my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize