We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
