There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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