OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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