he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize