What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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