Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the day after is always just damage control
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
