$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
