i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
