On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize