Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
