he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
