Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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