Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
