U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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