Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
