dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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