I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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