you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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