am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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