oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I had to cum in my sink.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
