I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
