how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
where am i from again
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
