what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
