I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
