My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
