I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
