i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
