I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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