nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
