I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
