i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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