i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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