so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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