you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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