After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
