I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
