maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
