My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
