Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
