I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
