This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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