Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
