So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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