No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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