I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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