don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
