yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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