i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
