I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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