Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
