apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
