Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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