i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
