i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
