grandma shit on top of the toilet
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We left an ass print on the piano.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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