My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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