***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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