from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
