I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
