im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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