If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
