Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
