Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
