The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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